There are many misconceptions about running, usually made by those who don't run. Shocking, I know. They range from genuinely naive: "what was the distance of your last marathon?", to rudely critical: "You know that running is probably ruining your knees, right?" I'm not one to judge the judgers, so all of these comments are entertaining or thought-provoking or just plain old cute. But there is one misconception about running that I'd like to address today. "I could never just run. It must be so boring." I will address this misconception by recapping my measly 3 mile run from this morning.
Friday morning, December 14th, 33 degrees.
New shoes today, running in new shoes today. Do I feel a pain in these new shoes? Maybe I do. What's up with my left ankle? Did I tie my shoes too tight? I think my shoe is loose. How can a shoe be loose if I tied the laces too tight? Maybe I'll stop and retie my shoe. Oh here comes a big truck, I probably shouldn't crouch down on the side of a road when a big truck comes. I wonder if anyone's ever died because they stopped on the side of the road to retie their shoes. I wonder how they would write that article in the paper. Would they chastise the runner or the driver? I guess it depends on who is writing the article, and if they identify more as a runner or as a truck driver. What if they're a runner who also drives a truck? Hey I haven't thought about that pain in my ankle. Maybe it's gone. Oops, nope, now it's back. What would I do if I saw a truck hit another person? Call 911. No! Chase the truck. No! Check if the person is ok, then chase the truck. If it's a pickup, I could vault myself into the bed of the pickup, then call 911. "I just saw a truck hit a runner! I'm in the back of the truck now! We're headed east on Park Street!" The driver would be swerving all over the road trying to throw me from the back of the truck, but he forgets that I spent 4 years of my college life riding the T, learning to balance as I pretended I was snowboarding. It's kinda cool how fantasies from 15 years ago are helping me be a better superhero in my fantasies of today. I remember this neighborhood. Tryder, Howell, Nolan, Walsh, Ducrow, that house that used to give us full cans of Pepsi on Halloween. Oh crap, I see a group of kids waiting at the bus stop. Please don't make fun of me, Please don't make fun of me, Please don't make fun of me. Oh phew, I made it past them. I didn't hear any fat jokes. Maybe kids are only mean to other kids. Did they even notice that I ran by? I'm an ego maniac with an inferiority complex. HERE I COME, DON'T LOOK AT ME! I wonder what distance I've done so far. This feels like mile 4. By the time I get home, I'll probably have done 7. (Note to readers, it was only 3. Total.) That's not bad for a Friday. I should be running more though. I have a long run tomorrow. I probably shouldn't be running today. Maybe I'm running too much. WHAT WAS THAT?! Oh, it's just a stump in someone's front yard. I thought it was a coyote. Do we have coyotes in the suburbs? Maybe it was a rabid coyote. Would it come after me? I wonder if I could out run it. I'm already running as fast as I can go. Can a rabid coyote run faster than a twelve minute mile? What could I use to defend myself against a rabid coyote coming after me? There's a recycle bin... hrmm, empty milk jugs are not a suitable weapon. I could take the lid off of that garbage can to use as a shield. Then I could grab that old fence post. I wonder how that would affect my pace. I should be able to get bonus points for fighting a rabid coyote during a run. I wonder what other stunts I could do during my run for bonus points. I wish there were floating coins above my head. I totally would have leveled up when I jumped in the back of the hit & run driver's pick-up truck. I should invent a video game about a person running. Nah, on second thought, that sounds kinda boring.
So, there you have it. That's my brain on a 3-mile run. If you are one of those people who suffer from boredom when you run, clearly you are not insane. Just keep running.
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